My avatars...aka me sorta if I wanted to look like a cartoon :)

It's kind of strange but it was fun creating my Avatar. Something to do when the ground is covered with snow and you just don't want to do homework.

Nothing is sound

I am so glad that I am able to write down my thoughts freely. I am glad in a way I am not important enough for people to read this either. This way I can just be me.

In honest truth, today kinda sucked. It could be that I went to work only to find out my boss thought I didn't cash out because she couldn't find my sheet the day before. Just getting yelled at really pulled me into my shell. I would never leave work with work undone work. I feel like a girl out of her element today. I work in a world where men dominate the work force...the women are very tough...I just don't fit in. Who needs a gentle spirit in the work of men. In order to fit in I would have to change into a rough gruff woman....which I don't want to be.

Sometimes I feel that I really wanted to do something that would prove to the world I have a voice, to become someone that somebody really cares enough about. I try to hide behind many mask....or as Shrek put it, Ogar's have layers. I have layers.

It seems that I am never good enough. Always running to become someone else.....maybe one day I will be someone but I first need to find out who I am.

Maybe I am not good enough. Or maybe somedays I think just maybe well......
I don't think I should post the rest of that thought.

Mae

I'm about to Let Go and do what I believe....when I let go

Okay so I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Well work was stressful and I was looking forward to going to my sisters staff Christmas Party but of course being the back up the actual came and the back up didn't get used.

Not a problem.

I just wish that I had more of a life than what I have. I mean a social life. It's work, more work, and school to get into school to do more work.......wow what a life. The past 3 years I have lived a life I could only dream of and now I am living the life I guess is ordinary but who really cares for that!

Other than that, don't know why today was a stressful. Seriously stressful. Like I wanted to scream. I mean I am probably gonna give myself an early heart-attack. Or a nervous break down. I figure though once school is done there is less to worry about. I am a cracker barrel all rolled into one.

When I look at it, I am quite the handful. Just like my grandmother. Only in her case some one married her because she was cute yeah I said it, she was a cutie...my poor grandfather didn't know what hit him. He had a lot to handle and um... tame.
In my case the best bet is to do some online equivalent to mail order bride...what we like to call in the millennium online dating.


...


.....oh okay so bad joke but seriously I am a handful. I don't make sense all the time and I like kissing my hamster on his fuzzy little smelly head and by the time I am 30 I am probably going to have a nervous break down as my co-worker suggested.

Ah the wonderful, mysteriously complicated life of miss Mae!

So another day wasted

Well I had a good sleep that is until I woke up. How was this day spent? Going to the bank and hoping for more money in my account. I think I have developed a bad case of a shopolic in which the cure is to not to spend anymore money till Christmas.....
How will I get through it all.

Go and paint me the sun

Ever noticed how the sun rise is so intense with it's colours that it makes even the deeps rues of prime quality paints blush?

I was going to have a catchy title that said "Go and paint me the sun, lover" but I thought it might be a bit disrespectful to God who is the lover of my soul. Plus other people might take it the wrong way.

After reading the book captivating, I think of the sunrises as hugs and kisses for my soul.

Anyway life, well it's been busy. I guess it's not that I am trying to keep busy but it just is busy. I don't know when to say no to people.

So I am busy with all the school stuff and that is hard enough. It's become more of a challenge than I thought it would be.

Anyway......I got to go.
Mae Mae

So I haven't a clue

Here I am....I guess I am here whatever that means. I don't think I have arrived at anything but I have excepted that I don't know much to do about nothing.

Yeah.....that's a statement of intelligence. Not really, but you can guess as to what I am thinking now.

So my thoughts on my life thus far. Simple, my dad needs to get a job that doesn't bother me. I need to relax and enjoy life more after I finish my Writing and Research course. Plus I need to survive the coming year. So much to plan for, so many changes. The only thing constant in my life is change.

Ah shall these be my dying words?

Anyway I am going to Cambodia in May if God willing for a mission trip. My heart is super excited. Don't know how the details of it all is going to pan out but I am hoping with a little luck things will turn out. Not sure exactly what to expect except to expect the unexpected.

My babble for the day in the life of Mae

If I fall, God will you catch me?

Sometimes my life seems to be spinning around and it is just going. I tend to forget what to expect out of life. Sometimes the mere beauty of life seems to cest to astound me.....but then I look into your heart and your peace puts me at ease.

That's the beauty of God.

To sit and wonder about the little details never knowing where your life will take you. Like the stuff that you don't plan but happen are the best surprises. Perhaps I would want to live my life as if there is no tomorrow.

Perhaps life will happen when you close your eyes and let your heart sing as it lifts you up to your happy place.

Always preparing is not necessarily to accomplishing your plans.

Night Time

I can't think...well maybe I don't want to.

I got home from work and I am really tired... I am waiting to take a nice hot shower but I have to wait till my sisters done.


A day off tomorrow. Yea :)

Lately

Lately, I seem to think that my life will be out of reach. Always searching for that perfect ideal of what my life should be. It's a full time waste of time job.

Tired, that's how I feel.

I want to control this thing called love but I can't. I can't find Mr. Right cause I keep going after Mr. Wrong. Wrong time, wrong circumstance, wrong me.

What is right for me?

I tend to fall for guys that I know will only break my heart. Or guys who are not interested in the real me.

Like yesterday I was talking to my sister about me falling for a flirty co-worker. I know he flirts with every other girl but I can't help falling for his tactics. It's disturbing that an educated girl like me would fall for that.

The funny thing is that I know that he must be playing me because most guys just aren't interested in me. Most guys are not interested in girls like me. It's funny because I was told by a lot of guys that I am not bad looking but my personality is not what a guy wants so I should change it. Except it's my personality that a lot of people like. So I am confused.

I need to ponder this more.

Mae

I have a lot to say but very little time

Wow, I can't believe that so much has happened to me in so little time. It seems that every time I would love to sit down and write something in my busy life comes up.

To sum it all up
@ The boys suckered me into going to the Christmas work party
@ work is getting better, except for the bad days when all the crappy customers come to me because the weather is bad.
@I feel like Elizabeth in Pride and prejudice
@I did pass my exam 88% now I have to work on writing the essays.....
@My dad has convinced me that I should apply to the UofC.
@God maybe trying to tell me not to go there since I have had a few problems applying
@In a way I felt like a hottie but also grossed out as a 35 year old man asked me for coffee while I was working.
@I bought a home with my girls and we finished choosing the details...it won't be till May till we move in.
@I will be going on a mission trip in May !!! Hurray!!!

Other than that, I miss my friends on tour and I want to go back but I know I have to stay at my job and earn money for school.

Life...funny how it sorta works out in a sick and twisted way.

MAE