April already

So I asked myself, why am I sad and then I tell myself this too shall pass. I'm holding onto the hope that with each day I will forget him. He's treated me unkind for his own sake and why should I worry about some one who doesn't love or value me? I shouldn't....but it's hard to get over someone who you've spent a long time with and even allowed yourself to get carried away thinking that this is the one.

But I'm an optimist even in these hard to get through times. I've taken the liberty to focus on creating a better me. I use to credit this lifestyle change to my ex because he was into health stuff, but when I really examine it, it's not to his credit, but to my own. In the past I was an active participant to my health and he may have just reminded me of that.

I'm getting into shape for my sister's wedding and my own sense of being. That being said, there are plenty of guys. One who I dated for a about 2 months and considered each other's significant other for 2 weeks before I ended up pulling the plug in the most awkward sort of way and I dumped him because low and behold he goes to a concert and allows this girl who was high to grope him and he returns the favour. Why would I put up with that disrespect. Funny enough we're still friends, though even that is something I am trying to stay away from not getting into anything of the relationship sort. Nice guy, but we're better friends than anything else.

I ask God, why am I in this position and I struggle because I don't want to give up my old ex cedric but I see the signs only leading to a disaster. Even hearing a woman from my church who's husband is a non-believe makes me think, "Ok God, I get it. This would be my heart breaking for my children."

I'm in choir for the moment until this weekend passes and I met this guy. He loves God. He played the trumpet. He's a bird kind of guy. He's tall. He sings. He's a drama major and so he's educated. He's also....................younger than me by 4 years and I'm thinking no way Lord. No way! But I get this nudge which I'm trying to resist. Lucky for me I'm moving to the other side of the world.

To forget about him.
To forget that I was once a foolish girl who was inlove with my ex.
To forget about the fact that I'm still trying to settle into some sort of career.
To for go love for an adventure of a life time.
To learn to find myself.
TO discover that I'm stronger than anyone else including me thinks I am.
To establish myself and pay off my debts.
To teach and give the opportunity to spread my knowledge.
To runaway from any future possible heart ache.

I'll see in two years if he's still free and if I'm in a better place.

Miss Mae