Life is but a bitter End

I hate to be depressed lunatic. I actually am not one or at least I wasn't before but as of recently from being at my job, I feel that death these days wouldn't be a rude awakening but a welcoming blessing.

Sad isn't it.

I actually thought to myself yesterday that if anything was possible, "God would you please allow a car to smash into me so that I die."

I came home crying because I didn't want to live anymore. The people are crappy at work. Not all of them but the ones that are make you want to throw in the towel of life and just die. They make you feel that you are beneath them when in reality, you are just stepping between a stone to get to the land while the rest of their life they will be on that same stone preventing others like you to move ahead.

Although I try to let this stuff pass me by I wonder if that stone is my dead end future. I can't tell but if it is, I am not going to let others stay there. I will encourage them to soar.

I read a passage in my bible last night about the sermon on the mount. It occurred to me that God was reaching out to me. I know that I can survive if I only take it one day at a time since worrying about tomorrow is pointless: why worry about something you can't control.

Anyway this is all I have to say since I have a lot to do today.

Mae