A letter to myself

Ah, I spent this morning in the quiet hours listen to what God is telling my heart. The past few days I have been trying to make some sense of my life and all that has happened. I felt overwhelmed by life since my plate has been filled to the brim and you can barely see that under the mass of stuff that there is a life waiting to be lived.

It seems that I get so busy sometimes with the worries of this world that I tend to forget that God has something planned for me. I tend to often look back at the past and fuss about the things that I know I can't change. They are in the past and that's where they should stay. I need to be able to surrender this to God and allow him to work through my life. Like a passenger on a sinking ship, you can't get to safety if you stay on the sinking ship, you have to move forward towards the life boat.

I guess in the ounce of prayer of real quietness of the soul, I know that I am going to be okay. I don't know the future but I do know God. He will never leave nor forsake me and whatever decision I make he is walking right by my side.

Sometimes I think though it's easier said than done and sometimes you need that human connection to tell you not to give up and to continue for the race is already won, you just have to run to the end. Hold tight on to your dreams, but if by chance they fail, God will give you new ones for you to reach.

As for my schooling choice, I know that whatever decision I make, God will use that to bring Glory to his Kingdom, whatever path I choose I am never really alone though I feel that way at times.

I have put myself in a minority, minority group. Being an ethnic minority doing a minority career and doing it for the Glory of God, some might call that crazy. Some might call it guts. Whatever the case is, I am going to do it until God tells me other wise.

Amen to that!
Miss Mae

A little bit of living

Today is the week where I work two days then get two days off then work for 5 and get a day off. It's strange but that's how I am living.

Well a lot has happened this week as I make decisions for my home with my sisters and still ponder about school. There is a lot of stress going on during my day and I have decided it just not worth it all. I think it takes more energy to ponder and think about all the stuff you have to do compared to just doing it.

Anyway life is crazy. I am trying not to dwell on life itself but trying to live what little life I got. Sometimes, well most of the times it seems that I just break down and cry because it's overwhelming to do life on your own.

Why can't prince charming just come and rescue me now? Oh wait that would be a bothersome since then I have to worry about handling a relationship. Humm maybe I just need a vacation but even then when I get back I end up dealing with my problems.

Like Switchfoot says, happy is a guppy word!

Mae

A weekend off

Well it's been a while since I had a full weekend off. This morning however, my body decided that I needed to get up for work at 7:00am. That was not fun because I told myself it's a real Saturday and that I can sleep in for once.

I ended up getting up at 9:00am but I spent an hour reading in my bed. Today I have to finish my writing assignments and that means I have to hit the books. I also have to do a list of things. Seems my catergory of stress can be labeled as high these days. There is so much stress that the only real way to survive life is to take it one day at a time. That means live that day to the fullest without allowing life to devour you but you to devour life.

The scab from the popcorn incident at work has fallen off and what is a nice scar. It's not that I am vain and that I look at myself in the mirror but because it's right under the eye I keep seeing it. It's almost like it taunts me saying how awful my job is. I am trying to see the positive in these circumstances but then there are days my head hangs so low that even the weight of my own head is a burden.

Anyway I am praying about it and letting Jesus get me through, just one day at a time. If I take it one day at a time I know that this year will pass me by soon enough.

Living one day at a time.

Mae

A day off!

I guess when you think about days off you think about relaxing and soaking up the sun. I think about catching up on the school work and the delayed errands that I couldn't get done because I was working. It seems that there is never enough time to do anything these days but yet we have all the time in the world.

It's one of those funny things that I never understood about life. My life seems crazy busy but so do all the crazy people around me. Work always seems busy and there is not enough time just to listen to what God is telling you about who you are to be.

I think that's what I need to do. Just take a moment to listen and re-evaluate my life as it is and where it is going or else by the time I finished my life I would not have lived it at all.

Miss Mae

Life

The funny thing about life is that you can have no ducks in a row and yet sometimes life still pans out better than you would expect.

One of the great things about God is that he has his ducks in a row, and his chickens, and his people. No matter how badly my duckies are doing, God has them undercontrol. Like with this buying a home thing. God knows best even when I think that it will never work out.

Ducks! It reminds me of a piece of paper my friend Jessica gave me. It had ducks in a row and I know that just like that, things will get better.

Got to go.
MISS ME? Miss Mae

Thinking about life and what it means to grow up!

Looking at my life, I remind myself that maybe life would one day be this ideal structure that I would one day enjoy. Well that one day is still a long way to go from where I am.

I have decisions to make, big ones and they ulter the life I live now. I am still in a bind on what school to go to. It's the scary thought that maybe if I make the mistake and choose the wrong insitution that I will be stuck with a bad education that will haunt me the rest of my life.

It's almost like jumping off a bridge and not knowing whether the water will break your fall.

The scary thought is that in 2 years from now is suppose to be the point in where I had it all. At least that was my though in high school.

Anyway I can't blog since I have to go to work on my on-line course.

Beecha
Mae