Last Night

I don't know if anyone ever felt like this: when thoughts wander in their heads about if they weren't to wake up tomorrow would anyone seriously miss them?

Last night after having an argument with a friend who I haven't seen in a year or so left me in tears. I stayed up thinking about why people are generally mean to me and why they try to bring me down. Most of all why they seem to forget the damage done.

It has taken me a while to get over the hurtful things and I wonder if I am truly over them. Only time says that it will heal the wounds of the broken hearted but how much time must pass before that happens?

There are days when I wish that if I just start fresh in a new life things would be better. I almost felt borderline suicidal last night because of all the disappointment in the people around me. Then this morning I got up and thought to myself these few precious items in my life.

1. That here I am still living while I remember when I had a scare of dying might have been a reality that I wanted to live.
2. I have a loving family, my sisters and my parents love me a lot. Sometimes they don't show it but they love me because of the times they do.
3. Amazingly I have a great life, I have done things that not many people have done, I have been lucky to travel and act, and now I am going after my dreams. Not many people can say that.
4. I have a great God who loves me a heck of a lot. He died so I could live and that makes life worth living, because of that spectacular love.

I am not going to let that bring me down, I am going to fight for my life.

Mae Mae