Saying good bye is the hardest part.
Well today I had the courage to talk to my ex-boyfriend (on MSN that is). It was painful conversation at parts of the conversation and others it was pleasant like old times. It's kind of funny since every relationship only makes me stronger during the breaking up part. I say this because as much as I hurt inside, but I've also come to accept that I know that it's the right thing. Why should I keep torturing myself into believing that maybe one day he will come to his senses and think 'wow, I've made a mistake by letting her go and I want her back'. This is a harsh reality but I know that I need to move on. I gently tell my heart that it's going to be okay. It truly will be okay.
I want a man who loves me and won't let me go. Anyone who tells you in the break up that they love you but can't be with you is only lying to themselves, because if you love someone you wouldn't let them go. Love is about sacrifices and to tell if someone does love you they wouldn't say goodbye.
I wanted to work on our relationship and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it work, but sometimes as much as one person wants to try hard, it will never work if the other person doesn't put the effort into the relationship to want to make it work.
My sister pointed out that if I wanted to let him know my good news, I should just let him. I even thought about getting back together and doing what it took to win his heart, but then I was like "WAIT", why? Why do I want to be with someone who didn't love me or want to be with me when they had me?
It occurred to me, that I deserve someone who loves me and wants to be with me when they are with me and that losing me would be a greater loss than working things out. It's about working on an adult relationship and yes, of course relationships are hard, but the truth is anything worth anything is worth fighting for. The World wars sucked. It cost a lot of people their lives but the freedom of many was worth the price of the war. The cost of our freedom from sin didn't come cheap. The cost was for one man to lay his life down for those He LOVED.
Maybe that's what faith has renewed in me. Any man who will win my heart must realised that I'm worth it.
I like the song 'If you could read my mind' the line that goes when you reach the part where heartache comes the hero would be me. But heroes often fail'. I think my ex meant well. At the beginning of our relationship he would do anything to prevent tears from me on his part. But he was just a man, a hero that could not protect me from the failings of this world. Only God can save me.
I remember how protective he was when my dad had a fit and took it out on me. Cedric was so angry because he never wanted anyone to hurt me the way my father did that day. He was so protective over me. I thank him for that. He also swore to himself that he would never make me cry like my ex boyfriend Justin did. Justin was cruel, and Cedric vowed to himself that he wouldn't be that kind of guy. But he couldn't help making me cry when I pleaded to him about how much I cared about him about his drug use, and he just couldn't take it.
I don't blame him. He wanted to be my saviour and he put to much pressure on himself to be that, but only God is my saviour. I think partly it was my fault for also wanting him to change to be a better person, but only God can do that kind of saving.
Anyway about the msn conversation. I told him that I was starting to move on and it shocked him. I'm not sure why because we are no longer dating, but I guess it's harder for him to get over me?? That's why I almost want to call him to see from the sound of his voice to see if he's really okay. It's crazy that I still worried about he is feeling when he was the one who broke my heart. I know in reality although we said we would be friends, that we can't be. We were lovers and that makes a friendship anything but possible.
It is also why as a Christian or a born again Christian now to never give the physical away because a piece of you is and will be a part of that person. So now my vow is not to get into that situation. My heart shall be rededicated to the Lord and I shall wait until the man marries me. It will be hard no doubt, but I know it's for the best. Even if I stay single the rest of my life.
There is hope and forgiveness in all of this.
Hopefully yours,
Miss Mae
I want a man who loves me and won't let me go. Anyone who tells you in the break up that they love you but can't be with you is only lying to themselves, because if you love someone you wouldn't let them go. Love is about sacrifices and to tell if someone does love you they wouldn't say goodbye.
I wanted to work on our relationship and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it work, but sometimes as much as one person wants to try hard, it will never work if the other person doesn't put the effort into the relationship to want to make it work.
My sister pointed out that if I wanted to let him know my good news, I should just let him. I even thought about getting back together and doing what it took to win his heart, but then I was like "WAIT", why? Why do I want to be with someone who didn't love me or want to be with me when they had me?
It occurred to me, that I deserve someone who loves me and wants to be with me when they are with me and that losing me would be a greater loss than working things out. It's about working on an adult relationship and yes, of course relationships are hard, but the truth is anything worth anything is worth fighting for. The World wars sucked. It cost a lot of people their lives but the freedom of many was worth the price of the war. The cost of our freedom from sin didn't come cheap. The cost was for one man to lay his life down for those He LOVED.
Maybe that's what faith has renewed in me. Any man who will win my heart must realised that I'm worth it.
I like the song 'If you could read my mind' the line that goes when you reach the part where heartache comes the hero would be me. But heroes often fail'. I think my ex meant well. At the beginning of our relationship he would do anything to prevent tears from me on his part. But he was just a man, a hero that could not protect me from the failings of this world. Only God can save me.
I remember how protective he was when my dad had a fit and took it out on me. Cedric was so angry because he never wanted anyone to hurt me the way my father did that day. He was so protective over me. I thank him for that. He also swore to himself that he would never make me cry like my ex boyfriend Justin did. Justin was cruel, and Cedric vowed to himself that he wouldn't be that kind of guy. But he couldn't help making me cry when I pleaded to him about how much I cared about him about his drug use, and he just couldn't take it.
I don't blame him. He wanted to be my saviour and he put to much pressure on himself to be that, but only God is my saviour. I think partly it was my fault for also wanting him to change to be a better person, but only God can do that kind of saving.
Anyway about the msn conversation. I told him that I was starting to move on and it shocked him. I'm not sure why because we are no longer dating, but I guess it's harder for him to get over me?? That's why I almost want to call him to see from the sound of his voice to see if he's really okay. It's crazy that I still worried about he is feeling when he was the one who broke my heart. I know in reality although we said we would be friends, that we can't be. We were lovers and that makes a friendship anything but possible.
It is also why as a Christian or a born again Christian now to never give the physical away because a piece of you is and will be a part of that person. So now my vow is not to get into that situation. My heart shall be rededicated to the Lord and I shall wait until the man marries me. It will be hard no doubt, but I know it's for the best. Even if I stay single the rest of my life.
There is hope and forgiveness in all of this.
Hopefully yours,
Miss Mae
posted by Miss Mae | 3:22 PM
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