Extremely Depressed

I woke up at 6:30am just to fall a sleep for 2.5 more hours of grueling nightmares. In one of my dreams I dreamt I was playing a game but it was a version of a surreal Super Mario game in which I became Bowser and I was smashing Mario under my foot and the former me. It was strange. I also dreamt that I was leaving the University Art Parkade except it was a lot bigger, had a lot more floors and the elevators lead to levels I wasn't trying to get to. I also so my friend and I wished him well with his love life.

I guess when I woke up I didn't feel in the mood to focus since I wasn't sure if I wanted to live. In my state of semi consious I thought about how the world would be better off without me. How I would be much happier floating around as a ghost with no more debt, responsibilities and no more cares. I would just be observing life and not have to be a active participant.

I guess it scares me because I look at my life and I'm like is this really where I want to be? I've started a business and I'm afraid that I can't make it a success and let myself down. My mom won't lend me a money and I'm still trying to find a job in the worst of luck. Sometimes I feel hopeless like there is no way out. I have a heavy heart and I'm trying to let it go but it scares me.

I can't breathe.

I can breathe.

It's like another part of my dream, where I was emerged into water and I was drowning. I couldn't get out of the water. I couldn't breathe and the water was covering me. I could see a light but I couldn't move toward it. I was stuck.

I don't want to be stuck.