Post Grad Blues

So it' s 2:13am in the morning. What am I doing up this late, or this early. Well I can't sleep. I should be getting some really good sleep tonight because today I walk the stage on what's suppose to be one of the happiest moment in my life; the day I graduate from University. Instead I am filled with fear and anxiety because it's been 3 months since my last class and I still haven't found a job.

I think it's partly because I didn't pick a great major, I followed my heart to find where my passion lay and that brought me to a B.F.A in Drama or a Bachelor of Fuck All. Yes a brown color sash represents my faculty. Ironic as it sounds, I like to think the color represents my situation...urr a pile of shit.

But should I be hard on myself. I mean it takes about 3-6 months to get a job after graduation and this is a terrible economy. I shouldn't be hard on myself, but here I am, 27, unemployed and well over qualified for a retail job. And yes I've applied to retail and was turned down. It made me feel pretty pathetic.

It makes me question what am I doing with my life. Should I give myself time to really focus on acting or building a theatre or should I settle for a job that brings in money. If someone told me my life would turn out this way...I wouldn' t have believed them. Is this really my life?

I'm plagued with the sickening feeling of how messed up this is. I was an over achiever in school. I was the one so many professors thought would succeed and yet, here I find myself in this pickle of a mess. With debt that I can't even dare to look at for going to school to get an education to get a good job only to find out, with my education I can't even get a job that I could have gotten before I graduated!!!

So if any one is reading this I wouldn't mind some advice. I feel like I'm up the creek with no paddle.

Miss Mae