Cleaning up
So, I've made the decision, to clean up my files, clean up my life and get rid of this negative energy surrounded by the details of my ex. I'm no longer having his friends on my facebook page, nor do I care any more if he's dating another girl. Ironically when you loved somebody so intensely you eventually hate that person with the same intensity. I'm guessing that 30 years down the road I will look back at all the mistakes I've made and laugh.
I'm 27 but I don't feel that I've had the life experience that a 27 year old ought to have. Strangely enough. I'm not perfect where my life is right now but at the same time even with the puddle of mass confusion that dictates the movement and flow of my life, I'm not as screwed up as some people. I could be worst.
I woke up this morning almost wondering if I should be taking the 500 drama course and asking for wisdom from my mother, I was throughly discouraged. It's like she doesn't see me for what I could be, but she sees me as a let down. She said that I haven't worked in years. When I thought about it I reminded her that I did have a job in my winter semester and she said how come I still asked her for money. The problem is that University isn't cheap. And as much as I would have liked it, the amount of money my part-time job provides doesn't give me enough to live on. In fact a lot of the finance dispose I find myself in hasn't been to my own doing. If I hadn't gone to University like my parents wanted me to go to, and if I didn't put my money in the house, my life would have turned out differently.
Here I find it ironic that my parents are blaming me for not having the funds when they are the ones who told me I had to go into this and that. What I find ironic is that if I listened to what Miss Mae wanted, I would have been much more happier.
I'm tired of people telling me how to live my life. It's my fault too because I'm too damn scared to go out and listen to my heart. Instead I ask for others to make my life decisions because I refuse to take the blame if my life screws up. But what if it doesn't? What if the choices I make will lead me to the life I've always wanted to live?
Maybe it's time to not ask for advice and to make my own destiny.
Maybe it's time to not only free myself from ghost of the past but to live in the here and now.
It's time...
Miss Mae
I'm 27 but I don't feel that I've had the life experience that a 27 year old ought to have. Strangely enough. I'm not perfect where my life is right now but at the same time even with the puddle of mass confusion that dictates the movement and flow of my life, I'm not as screwed up as some people. I could be worst.
I woke up this morning almost wondering if I should be taking the 500 drama course and asking for wisdom from my mother, I was throughly discouraged. It's like she doesn't see me for what I could be, but she sees me as a let down. She said that I haven't worked in years. When I thought about it I reminded her that I did have a job in my winter semester and she said how come I still asked her for money. The problem is that University isn't cheap. And as much as I would have liked it, the amount of money my part-time job provides doesn't give me enough to live on. In fact a lot of the finance dispose I find myself in hasn't been to my own doing. If I hadn't gone to University like my parents wanted me to go to, and if I didn't put my money in the house, my life would have turned out differently.
Here I find it ironic that my parents are blaming me for not having the funds when they are the ones who told me I had to go into this and that. What I find ironic is that if I listened to what Miss Mae wanted, I would have been much more happier.
I'm tired of people telling me how to live my life. It's my fault too because I'm too damn scared to go out and listen to my heart. Instead I ask for others to make my life decisions because I refuse to take the blame if my life screws up. But what if it doesn't? What if the choices I make will lead me to the life I've always wanted to live?
Maybe it's time to not ask for advice and to make my own destiny.
Maybe it's time to not only free myself from ghost of the past but to live in the here and now.
It's time...
Miss Mae
posted by Miss Mae | 11:01 AM
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