Confused and I want to die.

Why are so many things in the grey area of life and not simple as black and white? I wonder that. I am force to come to terms with my reality. I am really fickle or confused when it comes to what I want out of life. I am not talking about career wise because I understand that one. I am talking about the social part. I am socially inapt. Socially confused, I feel that I am in a ocean I am sinking. There is no one to make sense of this frustration, and confusion of what I am dealing with. Trying to understand religion and where God plans which doesn't make sense has to do with what's happening.

I wish I could understand my own emotions. I wish I could just make sense of everything. Sometimes I wish that I could end my life soon. I just want to kill myself. I don't want to live anymore. I thought I wasn't suppose to be sucidal anymore.

Well I am signing off