I trust you but not your friends

Wow, my mom and sister really got upset that I didn't go to church this morning. It's not that I don't go to church but if I miss one service the world has fallen a part and I have become this drug dealing, pot smoking, prostitute...according to them. It drives me crazy because I don't do any of that. I have a clean record, I get A's in school, I studied this whole Christmas break and just because I went out yesterday and the day before and today my family is lecturing me. What do they expect me to do, stay home and not have any contact with the real world? When I am home all the time because I am studying, they say why don't you ever go out? So I can't win in either case.
:(

Other than that, it's a new year tomorrow. Wow, this is not how I pictured my life at all. Somehow though I guess we can't really expect to have life a certain way because life is suppose to happen. Every New Year's Eve I get depressed because yet another year has gone by and I feel I haven't done a lot with my life. The truth is that I have done a lot, but then why do I feel that I haven't? Is this the New Years Eve curse or maybe 10 more years from now I will look back and see the wisdom I have now is not the wisdom I have later.

People are changing, friends are changing, why can't I deal with the fact that circumstances are changes. I am changing. I can't tell who I am going to be, I can't determine that. I can determine some choices but really at the end all you become not because you decided but you become because you become. That is life. No philosophical explanation, just understanding that life and the happenings around life develop you as a person. I don't know who I will be 6 months from now. I don't even know how life will change me from a week from now. I do know that I know who I am today and that's a start.

Anyway Happy New Year. What will it bring? Only time will tell.

The life of Miss Mae