Dear Life

I haven't blogged as much as I would have like. Am I still me? I mean I am becoming more aware of life outside the bubble but some days I wonder if the bubble is safer. What I mean is maybe life without risk is a better life, maybe. Like for example, love. Maybe after a few months I will finally get over what I thought what was love or maybe I was really in love and getting over it maybe I will let my heart risk it to love again. The heart you feel is something that you can't risk breaking. I try to block out love if love hurts then why would you let yourself be hurt...I don't know.

Anyway I miss my friends so much. Chan is in Hong Kong, Cortez is busy with Art school, I think Shari is gone to the Philipeans. I guess I just miss being with my peeps a lot these days. They just understand me.

I almost feel that I am in a way new environment and I fear that maybe I really don't belong no matter how much I try. Maybe Rachel was right and that I should not go into drama. A part of me says well if I don't do this then...well my heart will break. What other things should I do. I could go back to journalism but then what. Still ends up in a dead end position. I don't understand why I can't just love sciences like all my other friends. Why did I have to be a freak...I sometimes just wonder why I well I just wonder what God's plan for my life.

Miss Mae