Why does the heart hurt so much
It seems that I read his letter over and over in my mind. We are finally through and even though it's true my heart wants to keep fighting. I always tell myself that if I found something in life worth fighting for that I would fight till my very last breath uttered a word.
But what if the thing you found worth fighting for was better let go? I want him to fight for me. I wanted him to say back then that he didn't want me to go. I would have stayed. I wish he wanted to fight for me, to fight for us and yet as I wake up on this day, I know that sometimes if you love some one you don't fight because you know it's better to free them.
I am debating if I should have fought to keep him. He was worth the fight but I realise that I am not a fighter. Even when it comes to the things I know I want to save. I am a lover, and I must set free. It's part of free will. You love, you lose, you hope for the best. I keep trying to convince myself it's going to be okay. I keep saying that I will meet someone who is right for me...but I don't really want someone, I want him in my life. I want a future with him, for us. How would it work though, separted by different beliefs in faith. If I grew more and more in love would it tear me to see him moving farther away from whats most important in my life? Then I see my friends who have a relationship with a different faith yet they seem happy. Would it be selfish of me to have what is wrong even if the heart says it's right?
I go around campus and sometimes I feel that if time could pass in the past and future would I have walked and pass him on the same road? Would he have smiled at me? Knowing that someone else might one day enter his life breaks my heart. No wonder James Blunt says his song "Good Bye My Lover" is a bitter miserable song. Love is horrible when it ends, especially when you cry out to your lover who stopped loving you. So here I am, bearing my soul to the internet world. Maybe if you never loved before you would be free from love's sting. If you have ever lost a love, then you know what I am talking about.
Love is bitter, Miss Mae
But what if the thing you found worth fighting for was better let go? I want him to fight for me. I wanted him to say back then that he didn't want me to go. I would have stayed. I wish he wanted to fight for me, to fight for us and yet as I wake up on this day, I know that sometimes if you love some one you don't fight because you know it's better to free them.
I am debating if I should have fought to keep him. He was worth the fight but I realise that I am not a fighter. Even when it comes to the things I know I want to save. I am a lover, and I must set free. It's part of free will. You love, you lose, you hope for the best. I keep trying to convince myself it's going to be okay. I keep saying that I will meet someone who is right for me...but I don't really want someone, I want him in my life. I want a future with him, for us. How would it work though, separted by different beliefs in faith. If I grew more and more in love would it tear me to see him moving farther away from whats most important in my life? Then I see my friends who have a relationship with a different faith yet they seem happy. Would it be selfish of me to have what is wrong even if the heart says it's right?
I go around campus and sometimes I feel that if time could pass in the past and future would I have walked and pass him on the same road? Would he have smiled at me? Knowing that someone else might one day enter his life breaks my heart. No wonder James Blunt says his song "Good Bye My Lover" is a bitter miserable song. Love is horrible when it ends, especially when you cry out to your lover who stopped loving you. So here I am, bearing my soul to the internet world. Maybe if you never loved before you would be free from love's sting. If you have ever lost a love, then you know what I am talking about.
Love is bitter, Miss Mae
posted by Miss Mae | 3:35 PM
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