Why do I feel this way?

"Wild Horses"

Hmmm woah yea...

I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures i'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Ohh yeaaa yea

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Ohh yeaaa yea

I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh

Breaklessly abandoning my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
Hooaah woah ohh woah
Yeeaaaah

I wanna run with the wild horses

So yesterday was the last day of running crew. I am happy that there will be no more long late nights but I am kinda sad in the same sense. I don't know what has gotten into me lately. I don't... I keep telling myself I don't want to get hurt again by letting my heart fall for another guy who might end up breaking my heart.

Actually no that's not true, I know that it won't work. Well what's wrong with me? I mean I usually can deattach myself from the heart but what if you had a dream and the name and the person seems so familiar...? I guess that sounds weird. Yeah I have this weird gift or curse about dreaming about the future and then it happens. I can't understand it really. So what if on a subconsious level, the guy you met during a show you know some how your paths will cross in the future but you are afraid that this guy might be the guy in your dreams who you fall in love with and he ends up dying? Do you prevent the future from happening? Do you ignore you heart...why oh why do I feel this way.

It's funny cause from the first time I met him at the Fine Arts greet and meet I had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time. Then I had to interview him and then we worked on a show together. Except I didn't know his name but then I knew his name. I am so messed up. I wanted to talk to him so badly but I was so fearful. I am not sure what I was scared of. My friend made me hug him yesterday, I have a space issue with people coming physically close to me. SO it was a strech. I guess though it hurt me to hug him because I actually wanted to hug him but at the same time I knew if I hugged him, I would...well this is exactly what I tried to avoid. Falling for some one I don't know anything really about him. Except he teases me and that I can't explain why I am falling because logic is not making sense anymore.

The funny thing is I doubt he knows that I like him I guess? Or does he like me? I am not sure. I tried reading his body language, at least what they say when someone is interested...but I sometimes doubt people are interested in me. If guys are interested in me at first, it's only because I think they want to do things with my body and not me. So I don't know. I just don't know.

Miss Mae