Another year

Well as I step out of 2005 and into 2006 I have this to say about the old year. It was quite the experience filled year. A lot has happened since January and I believe that next year will continue to bring more changes. Plus when Chinese New Years comes around I am looking at a great year of a dog which is my year :)

So this year has brought on 1 death, 1 major life decision, well make that 2. Weight change as much as hair change. Love life....still working on that one but there has been interesting stuff happening I suppose. Language learnt 0, friends rediscovered 1.

Total sum up of year = Priceless.

Mae

Just a note. I was rethinking and maybe next year's resolution should be take more risks....ie if I stand under a misletoe I can bend the no kissing rule if they follow the tradition.

Smells like a great song :) Hello Kelly

It came upon a midnight clear
The feeling that we all know once its here
With stars falling on this old narrow path
A pearly glaze that’s covering the dead and frosty grass
Please let me hold your cold sub-zero hand
In this icy, winter wonderland

And it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

As I put this star on the very top
Lets hold hands and remember all that we gained from his loss
I hope you wear those red bows in your hair
And I think I’ve got some mistletoe around here somewhere

And it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas
And it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas
Yeah it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

We’ll wear the sweaters Grandma made
And sit down by the woodstove
Let’s eat some leftover turkey
And talk over hot cocoa
And we will walk outside
And sing this song for every house that we pass by
And God bless your friends and family on this silent night

And it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas
And it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

God is amazing

Crazy enough I am reminded that this Christmas I have plenty to be joyous and thankful about. I am often reminded that life is short. Too much has happened over the past five years that life for me is such a great gift to be celebrated.

On the radio they play this tire commercial and if you put these winter tires on your car your life will change. In one of the series of commercials the announcer guy asks this young man "So how has these tires changed your life," and then he goes on listing things like a new job, girl friend, wealth ect. The guy responds with all no answers but then he starts to sob and say "no they just changed my life."

Isn't it funny that if you think about it long enough God in some way is like that commercial. He doesn't guarantee a better job, a beautiful spouse, a stable economy but he miraculously changes your whole life.

Like my life. I don't have a great job in which I could say I would the spend the rest of my life at. I am still trying to go to school, so working there at my job is ok since it pays the bills. I haven't met the man of my dreams, I have only had one relationship as well as dated one guy so in that department I am pretty out of luck. However, God has been with me even though the world says I lack something.

I don't lack anything because all I ever needed I have found in Christ. My mom and dad were talking the other day about my younger sister setting up my older sister. My dad said then the only child that is left to worry about is Mae. Of course my mom said to him, "No she is content and fine with that."

Which is true. As much as I seem to complain about not finding Mr. Right around the holiday I am very content with my singleness. This way I can spend more time building up my relationship with God and developing as a person.

I find this an exciting time in my life. To be single and to worry about the Lord's work. That is amazing. Here I am at 23 really enjoying my life.

Anyway praise God this season.
Amen

Princes and Frogs

All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs
Just wait till its plain to see
What we're growing up to be
Cause Some frogs will still be frogs
And Some dogs will still be dogs
Some boys could become men
Just don't kiss us 'till then.

You hate men is what you say and I understand how you feel that way
All girls dream of a fairy tale
But what you've got's like a used car salesman
Trying to conceal what's wrong behind a smile and the song
And I'm not saying that boys are not like that
But I think you should know (you should)
That some of us will grow
Because. . .All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs
Just wait till its plain to see
What we're growing up to be
Some frogs will still be frogs
And Some dogs will still be dogs
And Some boys will become men
Just don't kiss us 'till then.

You found him is what you say
And we all want you to feel that way
But the frog you've got seems cute enough to kiss
And maybe frogs seem like that's all their is
But just because you haven't found your prince yet
Doesn't mean you're still not a princess
And what if if your prince comes riding in
While you're kissin' a frog what's he gonna think then
So look into his eyes
Are you a princess or a fly?

All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs
Just wait till its plain to see
What we're growing up to be
Cause Some frogs will still be frogs
And Some dogs will still be dogs
And Some boys will become men
Just don't kiss us 'til then.

I love this song. The other day I had a conversation with my co-worker. I was sadden by how he responded to my stand on purity. The whole world is seeming to be against it. But I refuse to give in.

I may have to wait and find myself a single woman of God. I don't care. I believe in waiting. I want my first kiss to be memorable and wait till I meet the one. If God doesn't want me to be with anyone I will submit to His will and be a servant souly devoted to Him the King of Kings.

I wrote a letter a while back. It was written to my husband. I believe that if I am to get married I am already committed to that man. Which means I should respect that this body is not only mine to give away but his as well.

The following was a letter and promise I wrote back on March 06 2003

Dear Future Husband,
You will never get to read this letter but it's more of a prayer for you.

Dear God,
I pray that in your time, when I am ready that you have prepared me a man in your own image. I pray that you prepare his heart so that he may be a wise man who turns to you for wisdom. I pray that he will bring honour to you and raise his children well to know you. Let him be strong like Job so that he too may not curse your name. Bless him with the fruits of the spirits. Let him be a man of your own words. Fill him with the Holy Spirit. Let him be joyous in your name. Lord let him love you with all his heart. Let purity flow through him.

Help me to learn to love him before I know him. Help me prepare to be an obedient wife. Teach me to forgive him. Lord, let me honour you by honouring him. Like Jesus, let him love me like Jesus loves the church. Like the church let me be obedient. Though I have never met this man, Lord I pray that I give my heart, my lips, my soul, to no other union than to this man alone. So that when we reach the alter, we are joined together as one man and his wife before You. One hand, one heart, one mind, to be completed in union with one God. Lord above all, let him love you more than life itself because I know that he will love me because he loves you and you are love.

In Jesus Name Amen

My Love type?

The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth CONSIDER: The Loverboy Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating

Who can understand the female mind either

I can't and I am a female. I can't understand my heart or if I am falling for a guy. I just don't know. Stupid heart. Stupid heart always messing up my life.

Who can understand the male mind??

Oh ok so I think I just insulted my co-worker today. But he wasn't his cheerful self to come to think of it. We had our staff Christmas party this weekend and well I kinda pulled a stupid me thing by ignoring him like I do most guys that I am beginning to kind like. The problem I also ignored him was the fact that well....I thought he was kinda drunk.

What is with me that I am freaked out about a guy knowing that I like him and start to act weird around them. Just like the first time I found out in grade 7 that the guy ******** can't mention his name liked me. What do I do.....simple this: I blow them off or find reasons in the world why they shouldn't like me and act like I wouldn't like them all the while I find them incredibly sweet and wish I would just shut up and maybe then things might actually work out. Maybe a part of me thinks that it can't be true that no guy in their right mind would show an interest in me. I will probaly end up like that model sob sorry, "Oh I was super shy....I didn't date....blah blah blah"

I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am scared of finding something that could lead to something and finding out that once I marry my soul mate I kill him because of my curse or dream. Not that I actually kill him but the curse does and he dies in a fatal crash and I lose the love of my life. Silly and sad at the same time. It reminds me of why I can't get a date.

I have come to the conclusion of why I can't get a date:
1. Because I wear a wedding ring to ward off older greasy men from picking me up at the hardware store.
2. Most guys, according to my knowledge from high school and beyond think I am taken and that my boyfriend would come and beat the crap out of them if they tried to ask me out.
3. I don't get out much to the guy spotting areas since I live for work and school and lack the time to go anywhere else to meet mr. cutey at the grocery store.
4. As soon as a guy shows interest I freak out and then they think they got no chance with me.
5.Who really understands why I can't get a date...maybe because I kissed dating good bye and have resulted that only suitable matches are the one that wants to marry me.
6. Could be that I am waiting for Mr. Right who is suppose to ride up on his white horse and pick me up and just melt my heart into hot boiling lava that the whole world will explode.

But really maybe it's the guys!!

Ok.....well if given the chance again. The next year if a guy hits on me and ask me out I will make a new rule. I will go on at least 1 date for who ever asks me out and not saying no. But a new years trial thing. I might just try online dating.....


Why knows!!!
Mae Gum

Let the bowling ball go!!!

I once heard on a radio talk show a sermon about letting go of the bowling ball. Some people continue to try to coax the ball into the 9 pins while they stand there helplessly back on the side lines talking to the inanimate object as it rolls down the lane. You are completely helpless when you let go of the ball. You do the best you can do but then it's up to you to let go and let the ball find it's way to the pins.

Exactly like life! As we try to control something that is already out of our hands and try to coax the situation to hit the 9 pins in our lives we are really not in control of the ball anymore. After we let go we just got to let God take care of that stupid ball or in my case essay and allow him to direct that ball to whatever pins he chooses it to hit. I am still coaxing that stupid ball today as I try to hold on to my beaten to death essay.

Why can't we let go of the things we know we have no control over? Let's see, in my life well at this age I thought I would have been working at a job I love for at least 3 years now. I thought I would have met Mr. Right and just about ready to be slung some ice at me. I thought that things would be different, like I wouldn't be trying to make sense of my life and that it would be this picture perfect life. Fat chance as they say. The fat lady has sung but there is not applause. Nope, actually I think the stage curtains might have fallen on her and hit her on the head for some time because nothing seems to be going according to plan. Since the truth is planning is all really a false ideal that we feed ourselves to give us another false ideal of being in control.

The fact is that 90% of life is unpredicted. It's great when things are going well and you have those serendipity moments where you can say "Wow that turned out better than I planned," but when you have those moments when you are like "Yikes, why can't that stupid (fill in the blanks, mine is my essay) just go according to plan," kind of moments you feel life sucks.

I guess we just want to be in control because if we are out of control we are falling. It's not normal in that sense. Today I put my essay in the mail box. I don't know what will become of it since it's worth 30% of my grade. The other 40% of my grade still lies in the back of my brain in the form of two more essays and a few minor projects. The last essay took me 1 whole month to complete. My course needs to be finish so that the University can look at my online mark and say ok you can come to stupid University the one of not my choice.

So let's see...what does miss Mae think about it all? Well she wishes to think but knows that won't happen till she learns to stand on her own with out her many advisors surrounding her telling her how to think. I feel like a princess caught in a tower, having everything but needing really to find out more on her own.

I am blessed, I have a paying job at the moment. I belong to a great church. My dad although has pushed me to purchase a home has told me that my school and house will be provided for if I need to call on him.

I have a great family, I love my sisters very much and I have made a lot of friends who I can call on to talk.

What am I missing? Some peace and quiet to sort through my life.

That is the confusing bowling ball life of Miss Mae. Let's hope next year brings some more pins down.