Let the bowling ball go!!!

I once heard on a radio talk show a sermon about letting go of the bowling ball. Some people continue to try to coax the ball into the 9 pins while they stand there helplessly back on the side lines talking to the inanimate object as it rolls down the lane. You are completely helpless when you let go of the ball. You do the best you can do but then it's up to you to let go and let the ball find it's way to the pins.

Exactly like life! As we try to control something that is already out of our hands and try to coax the situation to hit the 9 pins in our lives we are really not in control of the ball anymore. After we let go we just got to let God take care of that stupid ball or in my case essay and allow him to direct that ball to whatever pins he chooses it to hit. I am still coaxing that stupid ball today as I try to hold on to my beaten to death essay.

Why can't we let go of the things we know we have no control over? Let's see, in my life well at this age I thought I would have been working at a job I love for at least 3 years now. I thought I would have met Mr. Right and just about ready to be slung some ice at me. I thought that things would be different, like I wouldn't be trying to make sense of my life and that it would be this picture perfect life. Fat chance as they say. The fat lady has sung but there is not applause. Nope, actually I think the stage curtains might have fallen on her and hit her on the head for some time because nothing seems to be going according to plan. Since the truth is planning is all really a false ideal that we feed ourselves to give us another false ideal of being in control.

The fact is that 90% of life is unpredicted. It's great when things are going well and you have those serendipity moments where you can say "Wow that turned out better than I planned," but when you have those moments when you are like "Yikes, why can't that stupid (fill in the blanks, mine is my essay) just go according to plan," kind of moments you feel life sucks.

I guess we just want to be in control because if we are out of control we are falling. It's not normal in that sense. Today I put my essay in the mail box. I don't know what will become of it since it's worth 30% of my grade. The other 40% of my grade still lies in the back of my brain in the form of two more essays and a few minor projects. The last essay took me 1 whole month to complete. My course needs to be finish so that the University can look at my online mark and say ok you can come to stupid University the one of not my choice.

So let's see...what does miss Mae think about it all? Well she wishes to think but knows that won't happen till she learns to stand on her own with out her many advisors surrounding her telling her how to think. I feel like a princess caught in a tower, having everything but needing really to find out more on her own.

I am blessed, I have a paying job at the moment. I belong to a great church. My dad although has pushed me to purchase a home has told me that my school and house will be provided for if I need to call on him.

I have a great family, I love my sisters very much and I have made a lot of friends who I can call on to talk.

What am I missing? Some peace and quiet to sort through my life.

That is the confusing bowling ball life of Miss Mae. Let's hope next year brings some more pins down.