On the Third Day of Christmas...
So I am excited to say that I will be part of the Christmas Eve service at my church. It's a great opportunity to give back to my church community. We have been members for about a year now so this is great.
Anyway the weather out side is screaming blah blah blah day. My finger is injured from carrying to many parcels at one time. It's all banged up and bruised. Today I have decided that I will be cleaning the house this Christmas and decorating the place as well as other items of interest.
My sister introduced me to "Suicide Bunnies". It's a book about these bunny rabbits who decide they want to kill themselves and so they have different ways of doing it. This is not for the light at heart. Even though they are cartoons, and only some may find it funny, they are very cute bunnies and I must say, I found some of it disturbing. But other ones, like the Noah's ark, where the bunnies just decide to stay behind was kind of funny.
Other than that, I am really starting to want to stay home more and more. There have been so many great things happening at my Church that I so want to be a part of. Also tickets to South Africa is only 1,500$ so that means I could afford going over seas to visit my family there. Since I already made my commitment to go on another tour I am going to stick with it. Just a part of me though wishes to stay and be a part of my family where I really feel I belong. I will miss my sisters and mom and dad so very much. It seems, even though this is a short break from tour, it feels like it's been years that have past since my life on tour was my life I knew. The faces I knew on tour have become faded into my memory. Almost like Alice's view in the looking glass...was it all just a dream? And even at this moment as I write this, yes Mae, they are real people who made an impact in your life but something tells me I have faded from their memory as well. Time does that to you. It fades the past into distant memories that only you can recall if you focus on them.
Tour life was like a dream. It seems that maybe I am waking up from it to face the reality of my life. My adventures on tour have left me. Now I have to make some decisions that deal with the rest of my life. Do I return to school or do I follow my heart of adventure and leave this place for another country...like Japan, or Africa. There is a whole world yet for me to discover, and staying in a box for so long only makes me restless.
I think that's the beauty of my life. Ever decision I make, I don't have to consult another. I can make it on my own. That's the wonderful world of the single, free spirited woman! I look around at my friends, they have their schooling of professional trades with their 9 to 5 jobs, or their marriages and I don't believe that my life was meant to be like that. Nothing wrong with that kind of life, but some how I see myself living on the edge of life, wanting to live. Visiting foreign countries, exploring new lands, meeting different people, not settling down in life till the youth of my days have withered into the wind. I may be a dreamer, but there was always been something different about me.
Maybe, I thought that I had to conform to the life that everyone else had. Everyone that was older than me was always telling me that I should hook up, get married, get a good job and work till the day I die. Some how I don't think that's what I am suppose to do. Society tells me that I am a messed up case, that I am suppose to go to school and get my good education, meet the man of my dreams and follow this perfect formula for a happy life. At least that's what pretty, smart, girls like me are suppose to do to fit this pattern of society production.
But what if they are wrong? All the people who made a difference in the world that we live in were not society standard products of this formula. I think too that something inside of me is not going to follow that. I just don't know what exactly that is yet....
Anyway the weather out side is screaming blah blah blah day. My finger is injured from carrying to many parcels at one time. It's all banged up and bruised. Today I have decided that I will be cleaning the house this Christmas and decorating the place as well as other items of interest.
My sister introduced me to "Suicide Bunnies". It's a book about these bunny rabbits who decide they want to kill themselves and so they have different ways of doing it. This is not for the light at heart. Even though they are cartoons, and only some may find it funny, they are very cute bunnies and I must say, I found some of it disturbing. But other ones, like the Noah's ark, where the bunnies just decide to stay behind was kind of funny.
Other than that, I am really starting to want to stay home more and more. There have been so many great things happening at my Church that I so want to be a part of. Also tickets to South Africa is only 1,500$ so that means I could afford going over seas to visit my family there. Since I already made my commitment to go on another tour I am going to stick with it. Just a part of me though wishes to stay and be a part of my family where I really feel I belong. I will miss my sisters and mom and dad so very much. It seems, even though this is a short break from tour, it feels like it's been years that have past since my life on tour was my life I knew. The faces I knew on tour have become faded into my memory. Almost like Alice's view in the looking glass...was it all just a dream? And even at this moment as I write this, yes Mae, they are real people who made an impact in your life but something tells me I have faded from their memory as well. Time does that to you. It fades the past into distant memories that only you can recall if you focus on them.
Tour life was like a dream. It seems that maybe I am waking up from it to face the reality of my life. My adventures on tour have left me. Now I have to make some decisions that deal with the rest of my life. Do I return to school or do I follow my heart of adventure and leave this place for another country...like Japan, or Africa. There is a whole world yet for me to discover, and staying in a box for so long only makes me restless.
I think that's the beauty of my life. Ever decision I make, I don't have to consult another. I can make it on my own. That's the wonderful world of the single, free spirited woman! I look around at my friends, they have their schooling of professional trades with their 9 to 5 jobs, or their marriages and I don't believe that my life was meant to be like that. Nothing wrong with that kind of life, but some how I see myself living on the edge of life, wanting to live. Visiting foreign countries, exploring new lands, meeting different people, not settling down in life till the youth of my days have withered into the wind. I may be a dreamer, but there was always been something different about me.
Maybe, I thought that I had to conform to the life that everyone else had. Everyone that was older than me was always telling me that I should hook up, get married, get a good job and work till the day I die. Some how I don't think that's what I am suppose to do. Society tells me that I am a messed up case, that I am suppose to go to school and get my good education, meet the man of my dreams and follow this perfect formula for a happy life. At least that's what pretty, smart, girls like me are suppose to do to fit this pattern of society production.
But what if they are wrong? All the people who made a difference in the world that we live in were not society standard products of this formula. I think too that something inside of me is not going to follow that. I just don't know what exactly that is yet....
posted by Miss Mae | 10:26 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home