A Letter from the Past

So just before I went to cry out to God on how I'm feeling overwhelmed by life, I remembered that I wrote myself a letter. I was only to open it September 29th 2010 but being the year 2010, I decided to open it.

Here is the contents of the letter, I wrote to myself 5 years ago.

Dear (my name),
I am writing this to you from you who was and has been you. It should now be 5 years from today September 29th, 2005. I don't know what life has brought to you in the past years but I want to remind you that no matter what has happen to you, you can make it. God has brought you through a difficult time in your life and He will never leave nor forsake you. Remember what challenges you will only make you a stronger person. There is no expectations from you except that you find happiness in what you are doing and that it brings glory to God. Remember never forget even though you may not feel it at times you are a warrior, a princess of the most high. Even if you messd up, you have never really messed up since life is a learning process. Don't give up on learning to grow and find out who you are. It takes time to heal, but in God's timing all the struggles, joys and possibilities will make sense.
I am hoping and praying that the person reading this will know that she is loved by the only one who matters and that is God Himself.
In Him always,
(my name) of the past.

Sometimes you just have to be thankful

I think I've been complaining to much. Yes I have problems, but so does everyone else. The thing is I haven't been thankful when I should have been. There is a plenty and always many things to be thankful for.

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

For one I complain about not working. I should be happy that I have the time to write while I can. I don't have to worry about paying interest, even though I have debt, I don't have to worry about where I will lay my head to rest tonight, or that I won't have food to feed my belly. I'm thankful that I had enough to go to school and the joys of an education. I have at least 5 very good friends, two loving parents, grandparents, and sisters. I'm the most rich person in the world because I'm of value to the being that matters the most. I'm a beloved child of God, I'm forgiven. I will always be taken care of by God and I'm more precious than the sparrows.

That is an amazing life. And I think I need to remind myself that when I see the amounting debt, that is just one thing. I have 10 others to be grateful and thankful for.

Amen.

A lot can happen in a week

Well although I'm feeling better about my business, my social life was a bit on the rough side. That being said my relationship with my sister was a little rocky the past week. I think it will work its self out as all things do. We haven't talked though for a few days. Partly because she is over in Quebec and I'm out west.

I wonder if all siblings go through various stages of fighting. I don't really like fighting with her but I felt it was important for me to take a stand if I felt she might get hurt. You can only really do so much though.

My boyfriend has been wonderful. I can't wait till our year anniversary. This is the longest relationship I've been in and it's been the happiest one. I've never met a guy who has so much heart for others. He is a real sweet heart. Although I get sad sometimes when I don't get to see him as much as I'd like, I know that he is a super hard worker and he loves me so much.

Other things going on in my life, I'm still job searching, volunteering and trying to make my life the best it can. I'm trying to be a person that at the end of my life I would love to have met. I wrote a list of things of my ideal job because it goes with my ideal life. You know the most important things in life are not things at all. They are the people you surround yourself with. So I wrote how I imagine my ideal job because that is where I spend a lot of my day at.

My list:
What my Job offers (I wrote this January 14).
1. My job offers travel benefits as it is just part of the job. I get to travel and meet new people, see new places, and go on an adventure.
2. My job allows my mind to grow and continually challenges me to learn new things about the world, about my job, about my world.
3. My job helps others become better people that contribute to planet earth.
4. My job gives me the time to volunteer and spend time with my family and friends.
5. I make $40,000 - $50,000 a year.
6. My job has health and vision benefits for me and my family.
7. My job offers me upward mobility.

I LOVE MY JOB

Ideally that might or might not come true but I figure if you work toward a goal it's always good.

One thing I thought about lately was how I want my life to be. I want to make myself a promise that I won't do things that are not true to who I am. That includes every decision must be my own or else it's not my life I'm living, it's some body else.

So I've really started to re-evaluate my decisions. I guess when you have time to think and reflect you really do get to see where and what your life is shaping to be. One of the things I've been getting back into is my daily bible readings. I find this encouraging as it is helping me return to my spiritual side. I'm going to focus on developing better relationships with my peeps and try to live a more thankful life. I want to make decisions as if I was talking to an older, wiser version of me and how she would see life and my decisions. One of the things I would like for my life is to be less hard on myself. I don't give myself enough credit for being human.

Today I'm going to love myself.

:D