I miss you and I hate the fact that I do.

I hate the fact that I am generally missing you. I miss your sarcastic humor, the fact that I found your facial expressions so funny when you didn't like the taste of certain foods. I hate the fact that I still care about you and still think about you and wish you were here with me and all the while knowing you don't care what I am doing. I hate the fact that "we" will never be anymore. That my friends and family tell me that you're not that good for me, that I could do better. I know that. Except, I miss you and I wish you didn't go breaking my heart. I know that you're an asshole, but somehow, a part of me is still believing that you're not. That you're scared of who you could be, that you and I could be, but you're afraid that maybe you don't deserve anything good.

I hate the fact that today, I found something funny, and I wanted to share it with you but remember you don't love me and that you're not there. I hate the fact that while you are probably going on with your life and have forgotten me, I am hoping that you still care.

I want to erase my memories of you. You hurt me, you're still hurting me. I am still hurting me by remembering you. I miss how you hold me and told me that you never wanted to share me with anyone, that I was someone special to you. That you saw a future with me. That I felt safe when I was just held in your arms.

I hate the fact that I hate you for doing this to me....
and I wish things were different....
That love didn't hurt this much....
Love really hurts...
I wish I never fell in love.