Because life's like that.
So I am either super nervous about school and over thinking and trying to distract myself from all the events that summer has thrown on me or I just have some thing wrong with my hormones that I am only hitting the teenage years now lol. Angst. GRR shwoheihroesrehoehrioeheio beep!
Seriously though, school is only a few weeks away and I am sweating it. It's not that I can't handle education, but it's more of the social atmosphere. I don't really want to be around people. Sure there are my friends who I would love to see but seriously I just feel that this is to much to my dismay and built anxiety.
Maybe this is bull shit. Yup I said it. The idea of trying to make decisions is not my favourite thing unless it has to deal with ice cream on a hot summer day.
I guess it will be what it will be. Part of me right now just wants to let my good girl image to the trash. Except that isn't me. I being a gemini have the double lash of personality. While most people know me as this charming young lady, lately I've wanted to be a bad. I mean it. I want to be the bad girl who is wild like Angelina Jolie crazy bad. But I surpress this bad girl idea because it's not what people expect, it's not what I expect from myself but if the world had no consequences I would do what I dare to think.
However, this is the real world. If I lived in my fantasy world well life would be well lets just say you would be shocked at what I was thinking. Or maybe I would be shocked for letting the cat out of the bag. Funny thing is that this girl is supressing a lot of stuff. Or maybe I've just been introduced to a lot more of the world than I knew.
Humm I was tempted to post this on Facebook but I don't desire for people to read it. Or at least the people I know lol.
I guess some of the things that has been going on my mind is what I feel about the way I see certain guys in relationship to me. I 've been doing a lot of online dating but I still haven't found anyone that had the same connection as my ex.
Strangly enough, I hope to be over him. But I am not. He's moved on but I have not. I need to find out if it's possible for me to find that again. I know it will never be the same but I want to find that again.
When I find the right one, I don't want to lose him this time. I want it to be forever or until one of us dies.
I want to be the queen in his life and the naughty slave, but only if I know it's forever. You see it's not just that I am can't be a certain way. But I want to be it for him. Except who is he? Where do I find him?
Mae
Seriously though, school is only a few weeks away and I am sweating it. It's not that I can't handle education, but it's more of the social atmosphere. I don't really want to be around people. Sure there are my friends who I would love to see but seriously I just feel that this is to much to my dismay and built anxiety.
Maybe this is bull shit. Yup I said it. The idea of trying to make decisions is not my favourite thing unless it has to deal with ice cream on a hot summer day.
I guess it will be what it will be. Part of me right now just wants to let my good girl image to the trash. Except that isn't me. I being a gemini have the double lash of personality. While most people know me as this charming young lady, lately I've wanted to be a bad. I mean it. I want to be the bad girl who is wild like Angelina Jolie crazy bad. But I surpress this bad girl idea because it's not what people expect, it's not what I expect from myself but if the world had no consequences I would do what I dare to think.
However, this is the real world. If I lived in my fantasy world well life would be well lets just say you would be shocked at what I was thinking. Or maybe I would be shocked for letting the cat out of the bag. Funny thing is that this girl is supressing a lot of stuff. Or maybe I've just been introduced to a lot more of the world than I knew.
Humm I was tempted to post this on Facebook but I don't desire for people to read it. Or at least the people I know lol.
I guess some of the things that has been going on my mind is what I feel about the way I see certain guys in relationship to me. I 've been doing a lot of online dating but I still haven't found anyone that had the same connection as my ex.
Strangly enough, I hope to be over him. But I am not. He's moved on but I have not. I need to find out if it's possible for me to find that again. I know it will never be the same but I want to find that again.
When I find the right one, I don't want to lose him this time. I want it to be forever or until one of us dies.
I want to be the queen in his life and the naughty slave, but only if I know it's forever. You see it's not just that I am can't be a certain way. But I want to be it for him. Except who is he? Where do I find him?
Mae
posted by Miss Mae | 11:51 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home