Some random title. Has nothing to do with what I am writing about today. Actually the only thing that comes remotely close is the fact that I ate a pink pop tart. Amusing. Yes or so it could be.
So my day started as I slumbered out of the warmth of a good nights rest. Into the darkly lit room I meander around the dark, carefully avoiding the packages that still haven't been put away since Christmas.
I got this really cool expresso machine/capacino machine and have yet to use it. No, I am not one of them freaky people who buy/are given stuff that they store because it keeps the new smell in the box. Nope I just refuse to get my act together and make myself a strong cup of Joe. Though some days it's so tempting to release the machine to let it mass destruct my behaviour as I go on a caffeine spree.
Seriously though, enough of the blubber when time is so precious it shall not be wasted. Rather savored like a good cup of tea. I need some tea right now.
Never was I a procrastinator till now. So much stuff to do. Scared to put the pen to the pedal and write that essay. I wish I could just snap my fingers and things would happen.
Not in real life sista! So what exciting things have I done this year....well to be honest nothing but a lot of stuff.
Want to hear about my love life? Humm do I have one...no! I never ever really have a love life persay but more so I am in either complicated situations where I don't know if you could count that as a love life of any sort. The thing is I never really know where I stand since the guy who is communicating with me doesn't state that. So in that equation I have no life of love to deal with.
So for example at work. This guy is flirting with me. It took me a while to get it but ah at last I got it. I got the stupid fact that this guy was flirting with me. For what reason...maybe since 90% of the co-workers are of the male gender and anything that doesn't belong to that target is free range...has left me dumb founded. He never takes it further than that. Although sometimes I am so confused if he likes me or if he likes the other girls. It's really hard to tell.
The problem with that is this: as much as I try to think of myself as a strong will independent woman who by no means would fall for a cheesy pickup line or a guy who is blantant obvious to playing footsie with me under the table, I still will fall for the stupid maniac fact that if a guy has a stupid smile and makes me laugh.....well I melt like butter on hot cakes.
I've tried to convince myself other wise. I try to say that I am not falling but saying that is as dumb as sky diving and telling yourself while you are falling hundreds of feet to the ground that you are not falling.
Now I understand that this has caused problems for me. Like I try never to become jealous of him hitting on other girls. I try to rationalize it because in truth who wants a player. I don't! I usually don't care if a guy looses interest because that helps me get over and move on. After all a smart girl like me knows that the reason behind him hinting at other girls is to make me jealous when in fact that I know I have the upper hand of cards. I can be choosy and not worried about finding a fish in the sea because there are several billion men out there.
Then why is it that may heart feels the slight sting of knowing that he be interested in someone else. Is it because I actually might have fallen for him but it takes me a heck longer to decide that there might be potential? I never know how to deal with guys. What's worst is that I might have actually come off a bit jealous. That just gives him ammo. What if he really likes the other girl, then I come off as a jealous woman.
That would suck.
You see I do fight for the things that are worth fighting for. I haven't found a guy that I would say if a girl is entering my territory to back off get your own man. Nope...I am usually passive, romantically waiting because when Mr. Right gets his butt moving he will be bold and knightly enough to say "Hey pretty lady, you're the one I want"
Just like how my dad wonderfully swept my mom off her feet and was the man. Making the moves and stops at nothing to captivate, enchant, memorize and fight for the one he wants.
So how about that. Go grab a pop tart and think about that today.
Miss Mae
