Trees and Nature and all that stuff
Walking to the center where we check our mail, I passed through the beautiful Portland grounds of trees. After a bitter cold snap, the cool breeze compliments the trees just where the sun peeks through.
I see God there. Today it's a Sunday and I see God in the things He surrounds me. Even through bitter tears of sadness, I am not sure what I am sad about, He is my strength and comfort.
Waiting for what God is doing in my life is a great joy. He is my God, my rock and my redeemer and my strength. Surrendering to him is the part that gets me the most.
There is a song by the Barlow girls about surrending dreams. It's hard to surrender the dreams that you once thought was yours. I find it hard to do just that.
Anyway yesterday was a very relaxed day. I spent it watching musicals and basically just enjoying the peace that came with the day. I miss my mom!
All the time I spent with her while I was off tour has made it hard for me to be without her. Not that I am a cry baby, I miss fellowshiping with my mom and cooking with her. I miss just talking to her and hearing her stories. I miss my sisters as well. I miss them a lot. It was fun to hear my little sister and I just joke around...I wonder how she is doing with her broken arm. I haven't spoken to them since I left. I talked maybe once but it was short and it was just to tell them that I arrived.
A part of me is resisting getting to know the group. Not because they are bad people or their people skills suck, nah it's more that I hate ending up saying good bye because I know some how a part of me fears that this truly will be the last time I will be on tour. Another part fears that I will get to know them and then end up because of my allergy circumstance by myself for the rest of tour. I really do hate being alone but some how it's preventative medicine from really ending up hurt.
Then there is a part of me that is screaming just to be away from all that noise. Eating meals with 13 other people is a bit to much for me. I have developed a blocking around me where I can get really nervous around loud noises and tight places. I am trying to break out of it but it's hard. I know I will have to over come these obstacles if I am going to survive tour.
And what about how I am feeling? Well I feel...I am not sure. What do you mean? I like everyone so far, I struggle with putting myself out there. I am rather eccentric you know. But it's more than that...it's the feeling you are constantly on. Whatever that means. No down time I guess. I guess these coming weeks until I know, I will probably be asking myself "Where do I fit in?"
Mae
I see God there. Today it's a Sunday and I see God in the things He surrounds me. Even through bitter tears of sadness, I am not sure what I am sad about, He is my strength and comfort.
Waiting for what God is doing in my life is a great joy. He is my God, my rock and my redeemer and my strength. Surrendering to him is the part that gets me the most.
There is a song by the Barlow girls about surrending dreams. It's hard to surrender the dreams that you once thought was yours. I find it hard to do just that.
Anyway yesterday was a very relaxed day. I spent it watching musicals and basically just enjoying the peace that came with the day. I miss my mom!
All the time I spent with her while I was off tour has made it hard for me to be without her. Not that I am a cry baby, I miss fellowshiping with my mom and cooking with her. I miss just talking to her and hearing her stories. I miss my sisters as well. I miss them a lot. It was fun to hear my little sister and I just joke around...I wonder how she is doing with her broken arm. I haven't spoken to them since I left. I talked maybe once but it was short and it was just to tell them that I arrived.
A part of me is resisting getting to know the group. Not because they are bad people or their people skills suck, nah it's more that I hate ending up saying good bye because I know some how a part of me fears that this truly will be the last time I will be on tour. Another part fears that I will get to know them and then end up because of my allergy circumstance by myself for the rest of tour. I really do hate being alone but some how it's preventative medicine from really ending up hurt.
Then there is a part of me that is screaming just to be away from all that noise. Eating meals with 13 other people is a bit to much for me. I have developed a blocking around me where I can get really nervous around loud noises and tight places. I am trying to break out of it but it's hard. I know I will have to over come these obstacles if I am going to survive tour.
And what about how I am feeling? Well I feel...I am not sure. What do you mean? I like everyone so far, I struggle with putting myself out there. I am rather eccentric you know. But it's more than that...it's the feeling you are constantly on. Whatever that means. No down time I guess. I guess these coming weeks until I know, I will probably be asking myself "Where do I fit in?"
Mae
posted by Miss Mae | 3:08 PM
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