I'm Sorry God

Last night I made my mistake, I'm so weak and I gave in.
I'm sorry Lord I betrayed you and Gumi BearAnd I hate myself because I could not control myself.
I'm a weak human.
How can you forgive me?
I knew it was wrong but I was lonely I wanted to see what I was missing.
I'm not that innoncent anymore.
I'm not daddy's little girl anymore.
I'm sorry God.
I'm sorry Gumi-Bear.
I'm sorry mum.

Is it still cheating if it's online?
Yes.
I took a vow but betrayed with my mind.
I'm still struggling because I really enjoyed it.
I didn't care about the guy.
It was for self satisfaction.
I didn't know what else to do with my thoughts. The dreams.
I'm weak.
I've sin.
I'm lost.
Sorry God. Sorry Mum. Sorry Gumi-bear.

Will you still love me Gumi-bear if you knew I betrayed you because I couldn't wait?
Physically I'm yours for now but my thoughts are unpure.
I don't know how to cope.
I don't know what to do.
I hate myself for the lack of self control I have.
I hate myself because I know what I did wrong.
I'm not clean.
I'm not pure.
God help me.
mae

When God speaks

Today I started off writing a letter to remind myself of how much God loves me but then something wonderful happened. It was as if God was moving my pen to the words he wanted me to hear.

Lately, I've being struggling. I've been trying to cope with loneliness and being a Christian in a very non-Christian world. I've been surrounded by not that great of influencial people who find my prudish ways a game in which the object is to corrupt the good girl. And part of myself struggled because I wanted to fit in and not be the outsider and to see if the grass is really green outside the fence of God's kingdom. I'm like Eve, tempted by the snake to take a bite of the big juicy red apple. I'm already an outsider with my race, and profession so I just wanted to fit in.

Some how God loves me to much to let me go. Or maybe I love God to much to repeat the sins of my forefathers and take the apple. Or it could be that in His strength, I can over come temptation and win this battle.

Whatever the case it's extremely hard but God is testing me in the fire so that I can come out as pure as gold.

As for my loneliness, God says, do not give up little one. I have a plan for you, a plan not to harm you a plan that will bless you.

HIS WILL BE DONE

Mae