Is it terrible?

I've finished all my lesson plans. Going to start working on getting the stuff prepared. Momentarily I had a lapse of missing my ex. Listened to Sara Evans A Little Bit Stronger. Read some quotes. I'll be okay. Got to keep thinking about the future. Can't keep remembering the past.

Few of my quotes that I thought about:
You really know you love someone when all you want is for them to be happy, even if that means that you are not a part of it.

If you love something, set it free if it comes back, it was meant to be. If it continues to fly, let it soar, have faith that God has something better in store.

Sometimes I wonder what you think of me or if you do at all.

It is tearing me up on the inside to have these feelings for you, but I can't get rid of them.

Mae

April already

So I asked myself, why am I sad and then I tell myself this too shall pass. I'm holding onto the hope that with each day I will forget him. He's treated me unkind for his own sake and why should I worry about some one who doesn't love or value me? I shouldn't....but it's hard to get over someone who you've spent a long time with and even allowed yourself to get carried away thinking that this is the one.

But I'm an optimist even in these hard to get through times. I've taken the liberty to focus on creating a better me. I use to credit this lifestyle change to my ex because he was into health stuff, but when I really examine it, it's not to his credit, but to my own. In the past I was an active participant to my health and he may have just reminded me of that.

I'm getting into shape for my sister's wedding and my own sense of being. That being said, there are plenty of guys. One who I dated for a about 2 months and considered each other's significant other for 2 weeks before I ended up pulling the plug in the most awkward sort of way and I dumped him because low and behold he goes to a concert and allows this girl who was high to grope him and he returns the favour. Why would I put up with that disrespect. Funny enough we're still friends, though even that is something I am trying to stay away from not getting into anything of the relationship sort. Nice guy, but we're better friends than anything else.

I ask God, why am I in this position and I struggle because I don't want to give up my old ex cedric but I see the signs only leading to a disaster. Even hearing a woman from my church who's husband is a non-believe makes me think, "Ok God, I get it. This would be my heart breaking for my children."

I'm in choir for the moment until this weekend passes and I met this guy. He loves God. He played the trumpet. He's a bird kind of guy. He's tall. He sings. He's a drama major and so he's educated. He's also....................younger than me by 4 years and I'm thinking no way Lord. No way! But I get this nudge which I'm trying to resist. Lucky for me I'm moving to the other side of the world.

To forget about him.
To forget that I was once a foolish girl who was inlove with my ex.
To forget about the fact that I'm still trying to settle into some sort of career.
To for go love for an adventure of a life time.
To learn to find myself.
TO discover that I'm stronger than anyone else including me thinks I am.
To establish myself and pay off my debts.
To teach and give the opportunity to spread my knowledge.
To runaway from any future possible heart ache.

I'll see in two years if he's still free and if I'm in a better place.

Miss Mae

March into March

Well I have to say that February was a bit of a downer but it helped me exercise all what was left of my emotional baggage. As I look forward to March as a new woman who has an amazing adventure a head of herself I'm proud of the woman I'm becoming.

I have found a possible friend who will be teaching with me next year overseas. I'm not sure how it will work but I'm looking forward to it. So my hopeful plan is to work this summer, finish my TESOL and then work in the fall and then leave to go on my new adventure. It's a full summer a head but I'm looking forward to the possibilities of things to come. If they don't work out well maybe then it's for a reason. I like to think so :)

Anyway I'm getting better at swimming and this month I have a dance class, and I start choir. Lot's of great things to keep me busy and fulfilled. Plus I've had so many amazing guy friends who have helped me assure myself that yes, I'm a amazing woman who deserves the best.

That's all.
Love Mae

WHITE HORSE Lyrics - TAYLOR SWIFT

WHITE HORSE Lyrics - TAYLOR SWIFT

How To Survive Getting Dumped

How To Survive Getting Dumped

Going to be leaving the country because I can't get over him

I want to leave everything about this life that I know. I miss him and he doesn't even care that I miss him. I told him yesterday I'm leaving the country he seemed happy for me but he doesn't know it's because of him that I need to leave.

I still love him but slowly he's disappearing and I'm so scared to forget him.

I hope he'll read this post one day and know that I really loved him and that he broke my heart.

Cedric Gordon Nelson I miss you and I love you but since I can't be with you I don't want to remember you anymore. I don't want to remember us. I wish I never met you.

Mei

My Bucket List

So I've taken the steps to really complete my 43 things on my list. :) This makes me happy. I completed the first portion of my TESOL class, which means in a year or so I will be able to jet set along and take an adventure for me.
I'm stronger than I think.