Ok, so I said I would be done with men. You know focus on me...but the funny thing is every where I go, I'm reminded of him :( and it makes me feel sad. Today at the bank there was a truck outside that said "Drayton Valley" Ford. That's where he was from and so it triggered my memories of him. I'm sure he's doing great right now. Living the simple life that he always wanted. His last e-mail gave me the indication that he just wanted to be left alone aka he needs space away from me.
So I'm respecting his wishes...it hurts because his birthday is next week, and while I would want to wish him the best, I can and will not go and call him. I can't anyway, I deleted his phone number, his e-mail address and he is no longer on my facebook nor do I go on it anyway.
Sadly a part of me is desperately trying to hang onto the hope that he'll wake up one day and say, "God, I've been an idiot, and I miss you and I want you in my life." Stupid foolish me. I know that's not going to happen. So I force myself to get myself out there. Meet other fish, see which one will lead to what I had. I'm going as far as applying for school outside of my home city. Just so I can start fresh, new career, new job, new location. I don't want to be reminded of the life I had, or the life I wanted with him.
I understand this, but when will my heart catch up and wake up to realize that Cedric is never coming back.
Miss Mae
